When your boyfriend gives you a new name

Most guys I've had in my life have given me a name that's uniquely theirs. From Fifi in Grade 10, Latoya in Matric and Zoey in 2016 (although  that name I gave myself as a writer but they decided to use it instead of mine). It makes me want to ask, "does my name not suit me? "

I don't know if more girls have had something like this. What I do know is in some cultures like Venda and Xhosa when you get married, your in-laws would give you a new name which I love because I feel it represents them accepting you into the family as their child. But for a boyfriend to do that?

My grade 12 Setswana teacher once explained the meaning of my name which, I have forgotten hence I can't explain it to other people so I guess that is the reason why they have their own names for me? I've always preferred my boyfriend's real name instead of "nicknames" from their friends. But that's a story for another day.

Anywho, have you been in a similar experience?

Is unique always good?

Being different.

We may tell ourselves and be told that being different is a good thing. In a world where everyone wants to be like someone else, it really is beautiful to find something so rare. In love stories, the quiet and shy girl is always the one who gets a happy ending even though she is not understood by the majority of the school body. 

"Never mind what people say. You are just fine the way you are."

But that is not how we feel. In fact, it is the exact opposite. We like being alone, doing my own thing away from the crowd. But, sometimes we crave interaction with our peers and that is a hard thing for a person who isn't normally social to do. 

We don't know where to begin most times and those seldom times when we do start something somewhere, it really does not go anywhere. It is almost as if we are aliens in our own world speaking a different language from everyone else.

I've tried it a lot of times I should be used to it but, each time it happens it leaves a bruise in my heart and my mind with questions and unsupported conclusions on why we cannot fit in. 

The girl in a love story would eventually be accepted into society and actually be able to make full on conversations with all kinds of people, strangers and friends but in real life she would probably be too shy to say anything else besides 'hi' because she is not sure how it would be received.

Is there a book to living life I haven't read that everyone else in the world has?

Why I love what I do

If there had been any doubts in my mind about my love for what I do, they flew right out a few minutes ago. You can't really blame me. In the previous year, I spent so much time studying for tests, exams and writing assignments and neglecting my hobby so much that I thought I had lost interest in it.

You know that if you have something and you do not use it, overtime it will eventually stop working. My mom didn't turn on her computer for over a year and one day when she needed to use it well, it didn't turn on.

Towards the end of last year, i believed too that my love for reading had just diminished during the course of the year because I was too busy chasing deadlines to peek at a novel or two. But over the summer recess, i had been oiling my engine just about enough to restart the car and tonight I was just reminded by Robert Thier what it is that made me love getting my head into a book and being lost in its world.

After 4 seasons or 4 very long books our protagonists finally made it to the climax we had been anticipating since the very beginning. Every chapter that was uploaded weekly had me on the edge of my seat and tonight I jumped right off of it.

The series is called Storm and Silence and is on Wattpad and Radish for free with the latter app requiring you to pay 3 coins should you want to read ahead. Also, one can buy the books from Amazon for under $5 if I remember correctly.

Anywho, I love how books have a way of taking you from reality and transporting you into its world as I mentioned earlier. Like movies, they almost always have a happy ending which even if you knew how it was going to end, the road becomes rocky towards it and it is always a different experience with each book. And a bonus, it helps with creativity. You imagining what could, should have happened is your mind creating an alternate version of the story and from there you can actually make a different story of your own stemmed from there.

Back to Storm and Silence. Although written by a male, it is in the female protagonist Lily Linton's perspective who is a feminist in the 1800s (if I am not mistaken) in London when women were not allowed to vote, work or do anything besides be a mother and wife (probably a maid here and there and other jobs that were deemed too 'feminine' for men back then). It begins with her wearing pants (because women weren't allowed to) and on her way to the voting station. She manages to cast her vote and almost gets away with it but a tiny mistake had all her work going down the drain.

She curtsied.

Outside the station before she goes in, she meets a greedy business man who hires her as his secretary (thinking she was a man) after she talked him out of buying a rundown house the seller told him was "very sound". That Monday morning, she arrived at the office in a dress and after a long time trying to persuade him to let her work for him, he agreed but on one condition: she had to dress as a man.

And their journeys continues in 4 books with a chapter uploaded every week, leaving you wanting more every time and dread the end of the chapter the moment you begin to open it.

Feminism and Equality

So, I recently came across this picture:

A year ago I would have agreed to this 100% without doubt. But then when I saw this today, I thought about it and went like, “Hang on, but why can’t we help our partners when they are in need?”

Normally we were brought up to believe that men were the providers. They buy everything in the house starting from groceries every month to that dream car while we take care of the family. But haven’t we been fighting for this to change?

According to the Oxford dictionary, Feminism is the belief and aim that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men. Or in other words, fighting for women to be equal to men in every way possible. This includes job opportunities and house chores.

But while fighting our way to the top, should we be dragging men down like this?

Because, pardon me if I am wrong but, if we do put them down then we are not really making our way up but simply pulling men down so they can either be on the same level as us if not below. That would mean we are not doing anything positive and influential.

Life has come to a point where both the husband and wife have to work to survive in this world. They both come back home exhausted. Some men are starting to realise that women are not automatic machines and indeed do help out at home. Equality.

That also means however, that women should also lend a helping hand whenever needed, even if it is money wise. If they can change a nappy and clean the house while you are doing laundry, you should be able to take out that 20% needed to buy that family car you have always wanted.

My point is, we should all shine without dimming our partners’ brightness.

Imagine if a man said this, “You should never help a woman with chores. A woman is not a woman if she has to keep asking for help.”

How do you feel?

You're useless!

Congratulations to me!

:D

Due to the #feesmustfall strike I managed to take time off my studies and actually watch soapies (according to spell check, that word doesn’t exist. Probably the dictionary too but we use it in South Africa so eff it). Granted, I only watched the first few minutes of the latest episodes and got bored so I switched to a channel about removing blackheads instead (I’m weird, I know).

Anyway, there is something that I caught on Generations the Legacy. It was a scene of a woman and her father and they were discussing her husband’s fertility. According to her, his sperm is “useless”. Btw that means he’s infertile but that was just rude! I can accept the fact that some things don’t work out for people but to call them useless is just downright terrible. The word to me is like an insult.

For example, I have had my own experience with this particular insult. Back up story (in a summary), there was this guy who decided it was a good idea to call me that because I wouldn’t agree to sleeping with him. I mean, I totally get it. It must be frustrating to have such a burning urge to do something and not be able to do it, especially if you have someone/something for you but come on, we had barely been dating for a month and you had not really given me something to daydream about, i.e. you were not appealing.

Advice to the guys, if she’s potentially the right one and you want her to give herself to you willingly, stimulate her mind first. It’s a turn on.

Works with some girls anyway.

Where was i?

Oh yeah, I let him go because it was disrespectful.

So if everyone could stop using the word ‘useless’ unnecessarily please. That ish hurts like a…you get the picture. Imagine being told your sperms are useless. Gosh!

 Anyway this was just my short rant. Leave a comment down below, tell me how you feel.

Lost and Found review

We all at some point in our lives get to a point where everything just decide to get sour, where we get to go through this terrible experience of depression. Today I’m going to talk briefly about another man who shared his experience of depression in a form of a book. I personally have never done a book review before, this is my first of many to come. So bear with me, it might not be as great as one you’ve read elsewhere (written by a professional), however I do believe I will get better at it in time. The book has 0 reviews and 12 ratings on goodreads, now that makes it more challenging and very interesting because I happen to be the first to write a review for this book. So here we go.

Title:  LOST AND FOUND
Subtitle: My journey to hell and back
Author: Mike Limpkin
Publisher: Human and Rousseau (Pty) Ltd
Place of Publication: Cape Town
Publication: 1995
Pages: 163
ISBN number: 0-7981-3406-2

Foreword written by Dr Bernard Levinson

This is a non-fiction book, a story of a man who has everything a man could ever want in life. A beautiful wife who supports him in all he does, who encourages his dreams and aspirations, and most importantly; pushes him to be the best she knows he has the capacity to become. She is a speech therapist. They have two beautiful kids, twins of 5 years old and he had now become one of the leading admen in SA and Canada. Every advertising company would Love to have him on board, he is a wanted man- he is that good.

South Africa is where his family resides, where he was born and raised; it is where he invented himself. He graduated at Wits University and started out on his journey to become the best there is in the ad business. Soon after graduation he gets a job at Grey offices at Rosebank in a company called Colgate Palmolive, as a Product Manager. He had a small direct selling business already when he got the job. He had honours degree in Marketing- he was a credible- He was good. Few years following his appointment he joins Grey Phillips as a senior client service director.

He does pretty well there too, then the fairytale begins. He sends applications to 22 companies in Canada, out of all the companies he got contacted by one of the biggest in the list, Ogilvy and Mather- one he never considered could take him in.

You could say that all the others didn’t call him because even the owners were intimidated, they couldn’t afford him . His family joins him there and starts a new life. They get there, settles well, the kids settle in school; his wife finds a job there too- Lovely fairytale. He thrives in his new job, he was so good you would want to bewitch him or suck his dick to get some of that greatness he had in him. Okay, let’s get to business now. 
Everything he touched in the ad world turned to gold, every company escalated as soon as he joined it, you’d swear he is on drugs or something. All is well, his wife convinces him to buy a house there, they do. 

Then out of the blue,  he is hit by depression. Out of the blue, everything is going well and all- then the unexpected happens. Such a strong man of such intellect, who doesn’t need anything. He started underperforming, isolated himself. He went from doctor to  doctor, psychiatrist to psychiatrist, physiologist to psychologist. No change, no one could help him. His wife started to be angry with him because he was shutting her out, he felt sorry for himself- while having so much pride that he didn’t tell his employers about his condition. He suffers alone for a long time, then by the fear of losing his wife, he decides to tell his bosses. He thought they would be angry or disappointed, actually they did the complete opposite. Knowing his capabilities, they couldn’t let him go, they gave him leave to sort himself out. Two weeks holiday in Disney Land together with his family, at the expense of the company- he was good- just depressed they believed. He came back from the holiday still the same, actually worse. Clients lost faith in him due to the incompetent energy he now portrayed. They had to let him go. They did, his condition got worse. He had a reputation, that worked in his favour as he got a call from another company to join them as a director. He did join, three months were good and then he portrays negative energy again.

In 6 months he is out of work again. Hilary, being the amazing woman that she is, carries the family on her shoulders. She takes care of her husband and kids while also having to take care of herself. Mike gets Lazy, he stops trying. Everything he used to Love now means nothing to him, he becomes a clean hobo. His wife gets pissed, she threatens she would take the kids and leave if he doesn’t get his shit together. That threat did help him, he decides to join a small company-thinking maybe he will find himself in a small enterprise. He went for three years, company after company, emotionally abusing his wife because he didn’t get help. You cannot help a man who doesn’t think he needs help. He loses the job again in less than 3 months to join another big ad company, he believes his skill is getting messed up in the small company he joined. He loses it again and finally his wife chase him out, the story begins again; doctor to  doctor, psychiatrist to psychiatrist, physiologist to psychologist and still no help at all.

Looking at this man, you could say he is crazy to be depressed. He visits his mom in Johannesburg who now was dying from cancer. Even on top of the experience, she still manages to inject strength into his son. He goes back to Canada and moves back in with his family a better man. They decided after some time to move back to SA. They did, and moved into his daddy in law’s house.

Just using your imagination: What do you think happened after this?

Never tell yourself that you do not know

So I am studying IT and currently, we are focusing on programming. Now, I am not going to lie and say it is the easiest module/subject ever, it is not. My friend keeps on reminding me that every time we may be practicing or doing an assignment. She keep saying to me “I do not know these things.” and indeed at some point she may be blank but most of the time after I or the lecturers have explained a particular concept she will go like, “Oh I remember/ know that.”

This is what I always tell her “You actually know a lot. You just tell yourself that you don’t.”

 

Here is the thing, you will not know anything if you keep telling yourself that you do not understand or do not know. In a way you are conditioning your mind to get used to the fact that you are clueless.

Your mind is like an unlimited storeroom. Everything you learn is kept there for later use. Yes, everything. Nothing is ever lost really. What you need to do to acquire that particular knowledge is a key(word) about whatever it is you need and everything will come back to you. Telling yourself that you do not know is like going to the storeroom to find something, but you keep overlooking that box which is right in front of you that has the tools you need because you always go like “Nah, it can’t in there. I must not have it.” As you look in other boxes, you push that one to the back of the room and not even touch it because you just do not believe it is there.

All it takes is for you to check. That’s all. Life’s main concept is trial and error. Why don’t we apply it to everything?