When your boyfriend gives you a new name

Most guys I've had in my life have given me a name that's uniquely theirs. From Fifi in Grade 10, Latoya in Matric and Zoey in 2016 (although  that name I gave myself as a writer but they decided to use it instead of mine). It makes me want to ask, "does my name not suit me? "

I don't know if more girls have had something like this. What I do know is in some cultures like Venda and Xhosa when you get married, your in-laws would give you a new name which I love because I feel it represents them accepting you into the family as their child. But for a boyfriend to do that?

My grade 12 Setswana teacher once explained the meaning of my name which, I have forgotten hence I can't explain it to other people so I guess that is the reason why they have their own names for me? I've always preferred my boyfriend's real name instead of "nicknames" from their friends. But that's a story for another day.

Anywho, have you been in a similar experience?

Is unique always good?

Being different.

We may tell ourselves and be told that being different is a good thing. In a world where everyone wants to be like someone else, it really is beautiful to find something so rare. In love stories, the quiet and shy girl is always the one who gets a happy ending even though she is not understood by the majority of the school body. 

"Never mind what people say. You are just fine the way you are."

But that is not how we feel. In fact, it is the exact opposite. We like being alone, doing my own thing away from the crowd. But, sometimes we crave interaction with our peers and that is a hard thing for a person who isn't normally social to do. 

We don't know where to begin most times and those seldom times when we do start something somewhere, it really does not go anywhere. It is almost as if we are aliens in our own world speaking a different language from everyone else.

I've tried it a lot of times I should be used to it but, each time it happens it leaves a bruise in my heart and my mind with questions and unsupported conclusions on why we cannot fit in. 

The girl in a love story would eventually be accepted into society and actually be able to make full on conversations with all kinds of people, strangers and friends but in real life she would probably be too shy to say anything else besides 'hi' because she is not sure how it would be received.

Is there a book to living life I haven't read that everyone else in the world has?

Why I love what I do

If there had been any doubts in my mind about my love for what I do, they flew right out a few minutes ago. You can't really blame me. In the previous year, I spent so much time studying for tests, exams and writing assignments and neglecting my hobby so much that I thought I had lost interest in it.

You know that if you have something and you do not use it, overtime it will eventually stop working. My mom didn't turn on her computer for over a year and one day when she needed to use it well, it didn't turn on.

Towards the end of last year, i believed too that my love for reading had just diminished during the course of the year because I was too busy chasing deadlines to peek at a novel or two. But over the summer recess, i had been oiling my engine just about enough to restart the car and tonight I was just reminded by Robert Thier what it is that made me love getting my head into a book and being lost in its world.

After 4 seasons or 4 very long books our protagonists finally made it to the climax we had been anticipating since the very beginning. Every chapter that was uploaded weekly had me on the edge of my seat and tonight I jumped right off of it.

The series is called Storm and Silence and is on Wattpad and Radish for free with the latter app requiring you to pay 3 coins should you want to read ahead. Also, one can buy the books from Amazon for under $5 if I remember correctly.

Anywho, I love how books have a way of taking you from reality and transporting you into its world as I mentioned earlier. Like movies, they almost always have a happy ending which even if you knew how it was going to end, the road becomes rocky towards it and it is always a different experience with each book. And a bonus, it helps with creativity. You imagining what could, should have happened is your mind creating an alternate version of the story and from there you can actually make a different story of your own stemmed from there.

Back to Storm and Silence. Although written by a male, it is in the female protagonist Lily Linton's perspective who is a feminist in the 1800s (if I am not mistaken) in London when women were not allowed to vote, work or do anything besides be a mother and wife (probably a maid here and there and other jobs that were deemed too 'feminine' for men back then). It begins with her wearing pants (because women weren't allowed to) and on her way to the voting station. She manages to cast her vote and almost gets away with it but a tiny mistake had all her work going down the drain.

She curtsied.

Outside the station before she goes in, she meets a greedy business man who hires her as his secretary (thinking she was a man) after she talked him out of buying a rundown house the seller told him was "very sound". That Monday morning, she arrived at the office in a dress and after a long time trying to persuade him to let her work for him, he agreed but on one condition: she had to dress as a man.

And their journeys continues in 4 books with a chapter uploaded every week, leaving you wanting more every time and dread the end of the chapter the moment you begin to open it.

Feminism and Equality

So, I recently came across this picture:

A year ago I would have agreed to this 100% without doubt. But then when I saw this today, I thought about it and went like, “Hang on, but why can’t we help our partners when they are in need?”

Normally we were brought up to believe that men were the providers. They buy everything in the house starting from groceries every month to that dream car while we take care of the family. But haven’t we been fighting for this to change?

According to the Oxford dictionary, Feminism is the belief and aim that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men. Or in other words, fighting for women to be equal to men in every way possible. This includes job opportunities and house chores.

But while fighting our way to the top, should we be dragging men down like this?

Because, pardon me if I am wrong but, if we do put them down then we are not really making our way up but simply pulling men down so they can either be on the same level as us if not below. That would mean we are not doing anything positive and influential.

Life has come to a point where both the husband and wife have to work to survive in this world. They both come back home exhausted. Some men are starting to realise that women are not automatic machines and indeed do help out at home. Equality.

That also means however, that women should also lend a helping hand whenever needed, even if it is money wise. If they can change a nappy and clean the house while you are doing laundry, you should be able to take out that 20% needed to buy that family car you have always wanted.

My point is, we should all shine without dimming our partners’ brightness.

Imagine if a man said this, “You should never help a woman with chores. A woman is not a woman if she has to keep asking for help.”

How do you feel?